I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
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