I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
