i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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