You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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