it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
