3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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