Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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