i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
