So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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