I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
