Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
