so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
