Only a mothe r could love this liver
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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