Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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