No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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