The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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