Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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