Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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