Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
