i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
