bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
