Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
