She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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