Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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