I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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