just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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