Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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