In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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