mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
