I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
