I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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