and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
