so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
