Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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