Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
