wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
