Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
