I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
