I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
