Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
