Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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