im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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