I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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