He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
