idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
