I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
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I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
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I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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