I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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