Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the day after is always just damage control
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
