It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
