Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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