Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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