but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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