We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
