It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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