last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
