I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
