kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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