My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
