Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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