I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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