You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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