i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
