My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize