"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Randomize
