I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
