Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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