You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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