Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
