I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
