My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I can feel your judgement through the phone
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
