Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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