Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
