On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
