the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
