apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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