You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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