did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
