Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
sex in a hospital.. check
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
