my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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