The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
