I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
