He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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