a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
