And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
