Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
