Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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