Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
