allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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