hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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