Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
