The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
